Last Longer in Bed! Sex Experts Tell You How

So maybe you’re not the “One Minute Man” Missy Elliot rapped about in 2001, but if you’re still looking for ways to have longer-lasting erections (and longer-lasting sex), you’re not alone. Sex experts agree that it’s one of the most common things men are insecure about—but they’re not always using the right methods. “Of course all men have their own extending technique, from thinking about football or baseball or counting backwards in their heads,” says A.L. Harper, a sex expert and former editor of a UK-based men’s magazine. “However, these distraction techniques can result in making them worse in bed because they aren't paying attention to their partner's pleasure.” If you’re curious to find out the real ways to last longer, we’ve asked three top industry experts to share the advice they give their clients—no Viagra required

1. Study the Kama Sutra.

“There is a technique mentioned in the Kama Sutra for delaying ejaculations that basically comes down to training yourself to last longer,” says Harper. She instructs men to start slowly—with no more than one “in/out” stroke every three seconds. “He should then build more strokes slowly over the course of 4 or 5 minutes, until he is moving one stroke per second.” If the man starts to feel like he is going to come, he should stop and “hold himself inside his partner until he feels in control again. Then he begins the whole process again.”

2. Get Out of Your Head.

 “Performance anxiety is the number one killer of sustaining an erection,” says sex coach Dr. Patti Britton, a board-certified Clinical Sexologist. “Shift your thinking to a more confident inner voice, as opposed to a worried voice.” Britton explains that a “self-debilitating mindset” is what shuts guys down. “When you begin to feel anxiety, the strategy is to stop, take a breath, and then focus on how things feel in the body. Stay out of your head and get into your body—focus on the feelings that your body is producing for you.”

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3. Change things up

. The best thing to do if you’re getting close to the edge? Alter your speed, advises human sexuality expert Catherine Toyooka, the founder of Catherine Coaches sex workshops. “Try teasing her. Take your penis out and rub just the head of it sensually up and down and between her labia. Vaginas have lots of nerve endings clustered in the lower portion of their vaginal canal, so this move will still be very enjoyable for her to experience.”